Fear is one of your dearest friends when you are being chased by a tiger or escaping from a burning building. Yet, in other times, it can also be an annoying, chatty friend who won’t stop talking, and just won’t leave. You don’t need to “un-friend” your fear when it visits at inopportune times, but you don’t have to give into it either.
Instead of “un-friending” your fear, try befriending your fear. Ask it what it is trying to do for you. Is it trying to protect you from something? Danger? Humiliation? Rejection? Failure? Heart-break?
Look beneath your fear to discover what you are truly afraid of. Then consider the potential consequences of your intended actions. If after that you decide your goal is a risk worth taking, speak to your fear as you would a dear friend. Thank your fear for its concern, and for trying to protect you. Let your fear know that you are making a conscious decision to take the action, that you are aware of the consequences, and that you believe it is worth the risk.
Then think for a moment about what you really need to do to accomplish your goal and invite your fear to help you with that instead. In some circumstances, you might say something like, “Fear, I know you’re trying to help here, but what I really need is to feel more confident and strong. It would be very helpful if, instead of fearful thoughts, you would use thoughts that remind me that I am capable, courageous, worthy, and resilient.” Then practice by creating new thoughts, using words that inspire confidence and strength instead of hesitation and doubt.
In other circumstances, you may want to use the chemical energy that fear creates within you to your benefit – instead of leaving it to sit in your body where it can fester and create dis-ease. Consciously focus on redirecting that energy and use it to propel you from fear to inspired action.
Then thank your fear for the new job it will now do to support you, instead of hinder you.
These processes will help you transform your fear into your power. And you are much more likely to accomplish your goals with a sense of joy when you are coming from power instead of fear.
Then, finally, do that thing! Give that speech. Teach that class. Ask that man out on a date. Accept that new job. Ride that bike. Perform on that stage. Write that book. Take that trip. Climb that mountain. Love that woman.
Face your fear. Embrace your fear.
Lisa Vincent is a personal growth Life Coach, Lifestyle Coach, EFT Practitioner, Workshop Leader, and Course Creator. She co-developed the online course Overcoming Jealousy , and developed and facilitates the Loving Your Body Workshop for Women. She is also the author of the forthcoming book, 50 Ways to Love Your Body NOW: Without Changing a Thing. Contact her for a free 20-minute consultation to see how she can help you to love your body, embrace a healthy life-style, quiet self-judgement and criticism, overcome jealousy, insecurity, or loneliness, release unhealthy partnerships, produce loving relationships, or create a more peaceful, joyful experience of life. You can contact her through Twitter, Facebook, and her website.